KEVIN HALL COACHING CALL:
THE POWER OF FORGIVENESS
APRIL 4, 2012
8:00 PM ET
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Tell us where you are from.
>> Hi Kevin. It is Nikki in Portland Oregon.
>> It is good to hear you’re familiar voice. Thanks for being on the call. I hope you’re well.
>> Thank you.
>> This is Jamie Contreras with Keller Williams.
>> How are you?
>> Good thank you. How are you?
>> You have some fun things coming up.
>> Absolutely.
>> I look forward to hearing more I’m glad you could be on this call tonight.
>> Thank you I appreciate the opportunity as well.
>> From Greenville
>> Greensville, North Carolina.
>> How are you?
>> I had the pleasure of hearing you at the — convention.
>> Thank you. That makes my day when I hear that. I am grateful for you being on this call tonight.
>> I have my 14-year-old –
>> E-mail me, http://www.powerofwords.com/.
I want to hear more.
>> He has to do a sermon for the eighth grade; he chose a lot of things from your book. Thank you.
>> Will you e-mail me? I want to hear more. Thank you so much.
>> Okay.
>> One more.
Tell us where you are calling from and then we will jump in and get started.
>> Hi Kevin this is Judy and Lilly.
>> Hi good to talk you twice in the same day.
As long as I’ve been doing in these calls — it’s like four calls, a year, year and a half (indiscernible). –
Always good to hear your voice.
>> This is Milly from North Carolina.
>> Awesome. Excited to have you on the call.
>> Bakersfield.
>> From Bakersfield (indiscernible).
>> awesome. Excited you are on the call.
Conversation from Nathan.
We have dozens and dozens of people on this call. Maybe hundreds. We can hold up to a few thousand.
I’m going to start and then put it up –
(indiscernible).
>> this is Kevin Hall; I am so excited about are call tonight. It’s one of the most important topics that we will discuss.
I have heard it said that if you want peace, if you want peace you can find it only by complete forgiveness. And so this call — and the call next week — will delve into some principles. For forgiveness. Some steps for forgiveness.
Tonight although we sent an e-mail, my dear friend Immaculee Ilibagiza will not be joining us tonight.
We have been working for the last few months on establishing the steps and what they mean.
She survived some pretty horrific experiences, just to be alive today. She has a message of love, reconciliation, peace and above all forgiveness. And not going to give away too much of the thunder but I really hope that you will listen to tonight’s call, tonight’s message, and as you do so take notes that will lead us into next week. I do believe that these two calls — can be two of the most important calls that we’ve ever done together and I really believe that.
If you want peace, I think everybody on this call wants peace — everybody I meet on the street, as I drive down the road I think they want peace.
If you want it,
you can find it only by complete forgiveness and that is of course from the course in miracles. Wonderful. We’ll talk more about that. I will have a key guest coming up.
So, let’s talk about how we can let go of hurt, and helplessness and anger. And bring in confidence and hope and happiness.
It would be a nice script if we could do that. You’ve heard me say before that we can’t have a positive thought and a negative thought at the same time.
Instead of holding on to anger or resentment, that is a revenge — we have all been there. The challenge is to embrace forgiveness, and move forward. It is a fundamental challenge that we want to use. The experience that happened to us. Hitching post. Stay in the past, stay behind, die there, on that hitching post. Or do we want to live in the present? and use the painful things that have happened to us as a guide post?
That is the purpose of these two weeks, focused on forgiveness. Being able to use our experiences, good and bad, as guideposts, not hitching posts, and to live in the present focused on the great things ahead in the future. And leave the past behind.
You heard me say before that every thought we think, every word we speak create our future.
When we hold a grudge for someone or something That has happened to us, that grudge is filled with resentment and anger. You cannot have a positive thought or a negative thought at the same time.
Let the bitterness go, make way for compassion and peace. For the last several weeks, working on the steps, dialoguing, bringing these forward. These amazing things that can happen.
Now, Viktor Frankl is someone that I think of on the principle of forgiveness. One of his great quotes, this is related to forgiveness, I spoke last week, last Thursday, to a Jewish group. I spent a good deal of time talking about Viktor Frankl and my relationship with his family and the impact of this writing and thinking of my life.
I quoted him in the first chapter of — the second most highlighted portion of my book. — (indiscernible).
And this is two: everything can be taken from a man but one thing, the last of the human freedoms, to choose one’s attitude in any set of circumstances. To choose one’s own way.
Forgiveness is one of the most important, beautiful things that a man or woman can choose. And Viktor chose that. I know that — some of you heard me say this before – I remember presenting nearly 2 1/2 years ago a copy of Aspire — Alexander is a member of the Frankl family, a great psychotherapist. His daughter is, his granddaughter — Alexander decided to be a movie producer. Produced a movie called Viktor and Me.
I remember presenting him with a copy of Aspire, and I hope you enjoy this. And he turned almost magically to the heading in the book on page 12 I believe and said, a Viktor, not a victim.
I remember him looking up at me — we had a camera crew there — we filmed the entire thing. Did you write that about my grandfather? yes I did.
That began a page and a half of my description of Viktor’s wife, and him conquering this principle of forgiveness.
When I spoke last Thursday, I had the question answer at the end. I remember the third question — a gentleman put his hand up and said Kevin, I have heard that when the final — prison camp, when they were finally liberated, the Allies came, that Viktor look so healthy, so robust, that they thought he might have been one of the guards. They could not imagine that he was one of the prisoners. He said is that true?
it has been written about in the book — something about tomorrow — I said I don’t know if that is true 100%. I was not there. It was written by someone who helped liberate these prisoners who suffered unbelievable atrocities.
I know that in visiting with his widow Elly, his second wife, his first wife died in the first prison camp, as well as his father, mother and unborn child. Elly talks about that when Viktor came out of the prison camp that she met him and he had joy, love — hope to go to Vienna the next year and visit with her again – she said, I believe it was just a matter of days or weeks when she met Viktor, that he looked extremely healthy and he lived until his 90s. Think about that with what he experienced for four years.
You think of someone else who has not forgiven – let me go back to his grandson. Alexander said, Kevin, I can’t remember one conversation with my grandfather where he bemoaned the Holocaust. For he acted like a victim, or recounted hate, bitterness or despair. He was a Viktor, not a victim. He would not choose to treat his captors the way they treated him, as a result they treated him better.
He has been criticized often for not stereotyping the entire German country, German citizens with that small group of Nazis and the hatred. He would not go there.
I believe that if this recollection is right – I was not there so I don’t know for sure – I believe that is why he was robust. I believe that is why he was healthy. I believe that is why when they saw him, they could not believe – nearly 4 years of losing everything, even his name. He was prisoner 119104. Through forgiveness — through giving — through letting the bitterness go by, unleashing that hitching post he was able to focus on some really exciting things.
Forgiveness is really about personal power.
It’s not something you give to someone else; it is a gift that you give yourself.
And he knew. I know in talking to his family and friends in Vienna, he knew that anger and rage – it’s like drinking poison. You’ve heard this said before. Drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. He would not do that. He understood you cannot take my ability to choose my attitude and he chose forgiveness.
Alexander his grandson said, He remembers the time that he spent with his grandfather — he had one of two choices, he could be better — he lost everything, his manuscript was torn up, the Nazis laughed at him. The the man became a number. He became the person.
The word forgive has two parts, “for” and “give.”
If I were to take someone on this call, Nikki Davis, if I were to give something to Nikki or her mother — age is relative, her mother has one of the most inquisitive young minds — if I were to give something to Nikki or to Shirley, I would take something this small and give it to them. It is no longer mine. One of the parts of forgiveness.
And forgiveness the way Viktor taught — when people, when prisoners quit sharing, or giving the corner of their bread, a little bit of their soup which was not much. When people quit giving they stopped living. And he has described in great detail many of his works; my favorite books by Viktor. Those who quit giving it was a matter of days before they died.
The “for” in forgiveness is an amplifier. You don’t just give it away. You throw it away.
Imagine next week we will begin Imaculee and I talking about some of the greatest myths and lies about forgiveness. And the truth about forgiveness, and what forgiveness really is and some steps on how we go about.
Another Holocaust survivor said that forgiveness sets a prisoner free; and to realize that the prisoner was you.
When we hang onto the bitterness, the hatred, the resentment we don’t allow compassion or kindness or joy or fulfillment or abundance to come in.
What if we could let go of his helplessness, This victimhood, this hurt, this anger — I was just reading about the serial predator, rapist in Salt Lake City who infected a young girl at the age of 16. She said I could never have a childhood — two days after her 16th birthday that she was violated, violence, hate, and just recently the perpetrator was sentenced to life in prison. Can you imagine her appearing at the board, — she said it was a liberating thing. Now she will go back and get those youth years that you lost for over a decade. I don’t know that she will ever get them back but I know that if she forgives now instead of the hurt, and anger and resentment, revenge — it is replaced with confidence and hope and happiness and peace and compassion.
We can help those negative words to make way for compassion — we will be on the path to set the prisoners free. And then we realize who the prisoner was. It was me.
If you forgive Someone you are letting them off; maybe they did something heinous. He forgave the people who killed his family.
Imaculee shook the hand of the man who killed her father and said I forgive you. Not because a perpetrator and the deed was right. You’re for giving the person, not the action. It allows you to live in the present, not the past.
It will bring you peace. You who want peace can find it only by complete forgiveness.
We will talk next week aboutThe statement — forgive but I won’t forget.
It would forgive, we do forget. One of my favorite authors is the Rabbi — Krishner, and he wrote several books. When bad things happen to good people is one of my favorite; he has written several books on healing and forgiveness. He talks about is a Rabbi counseling a woman, in the synagogue, who had gone through a painful divorce. An unfaithful husband, abusive, who did not care about her or the children. The only thing that he cared about was himself. And that contrasts his victor, looking younger and robust. He was not getting more food or sleep. Maybe occasionally getting better care. But he was getting rough treatment like everyone else. He likely came out of that experience more robust, stronger.
Now contrast that with this womanThat the Rabbi Kishern was counseling. Remember the quote, anger, range — it’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
He shared this analogy with this mother, this ex-wife who had been betrayed, abused, violated, abandoned. The husband never sent the payment to take care of those children.
She was holding a rock – if I remember the story right – as he described it to her, you are holding this hard rock weeding for your ex-husband to come by so you can throw it at him.
He he will never come back.
In the meantime look at you.
She had aged, had ulcers, could not sleep; her health and stress levels were high. Her well-being with diminishing because she had not forgiven.
I am not here to judge what you forgive and what you don’t forgive. But if Imaculee can forgive murder and genocide; Viktor Frankl can forgive the murder of several million lives, I can forgive a hurtful thought; a hurtful deed.
When I forgive I set the prisoner free.
The Mayo Clinic — they say that they treat people for all kinds of disease and disorders, challenges, physical and mental — that more often than not the difference between someone on the course of well-being, wealth, abundance, forgiveness is the difference.
According to the Mayo Clinic — And I think they would know – it’s forgiveness. The foundation.
One or two more points about forgiveness.
I want to think about this. I want you to write down an event or an experience, or a person. We are on the phone tonight with time to forgive them.
Maybe you have some hatred, negativity or vengeance toward someone or something.
I wanted to write it down. Between this week and next week — the goal and aspiration will be to release that entanglement.
Wayne Dyer — I hope to have them on one of the calls — I am looking forward to meeting him later this year in Hawaii was one of Imaculee’s mentors.
He says this: you simply cannot manifest miracles in any area of your life when you are tangled up with such negativity as hatred and vengeance towards anyone or anything.
As I started this call, if we want peace, the only way to find it is by forgiveness. It is the father of all virtues. If humility is the mother – and I believe it is – one of my mentors Stephen Covey told me over and over that it is and I believe him — then forgiveness is the father.
And from humility and forgiveness come all of the children.
Again what is forgiveness about?
It’s about personal power.
Why don’t people heal and move forward in life?
Because they hitched up to a hitching post, the hitching post of negativity, and resentment, anger and revenge.
The minute we unhitched, the minute we take our foot off the brake miracles can happen. Life becomes filled with possibilities.
The universe looks more abundant, kinder, gentler.
There are five statements that I often share in group settings and in individual coaching sessions.
I really believe they inspired — one was added by an assistant — who helped bring the forgiveness piece here. The five statements I encourage people to think about and internalize.
One of the statements is I am worthy. Two of the most important words are “I am”.
What if I say, I am worthless?
Sometimes with what people have gone through the atrocities they have gone through, when they don’t forgive they feel worthless. When we forgive the sins of wor-thi-ness comes back.
Two, I am capable.
We have a unique set of God-given gifts. Honor the gifts. Share them with others.
I am capable; I have unique set of gifts that are mine. No two are alike. I am going to share my gifts. When we don’t forgive, we function from hatred, revenge, it is hard to focus on giving and sharing.
What did Viktor Frankl teach? Giving is living.
When we stop giving we stop living.
to give is two parts, the word “forgive.”
Statement three. I am grateful and deserving.
I am grateful and deserving.
Pull the stops (indiscernible) in postal box, there was a letter that my brother addressed to me. And I don’t think that he will care if I share the details. By my friend Jason — (indiscernible).
The first one I did.
We met nearly 2 years ago.
I just share the statement I am grateful. And deserving.
He went out of his way to type a letter on April 2, and he said it was two years ago almost to the day that we met. In the second paragraph he says, the purpose of this letter is to express my — from one brother to another. And then he said this — gratitude has been the primary piece in my healing and recovery. Today I feel gratitude for my past experiences.
This is coming a letter from a recovering alcoholic. When you experience something with someone in your life – Jason, call Jason. A few weeks ago I was at his ranch with a support group gathered for AA and he was presented with a three-year pin. You start with a day, a week, a month, two months, six months, a year, three years. This three-year coin is a token of my appreciation for you. This going to present the most precious gift in the world. My worth.
Jason D. Cooms.
I got the coin sitting right hereon my desk. This little coin represents the most priceless gift in the world. My worth.
I am worthy.
I am capable.
I am grateful and deserving gratitude is the primary Keystone in his healing.
I could be wrong but I doubt. Be careful when you say that Jason will –
if you does, he is sharing his gifts. He knows what gratitude is an expressive it often.
He feels that he is deserving of his new life, his new wife, the many opportunities ahead for him. He will be training for us in the Power of Words in the next year or two; comes from gratitude.
You cannot have bitterness,
Anger resentment in the same heart as gratitude.
One will overcome the other. You cannot have a negative thought and a positive thought; I am worthy, capable and deserving.
I forgive. One of the most important statements.
I forgive myself and others.
I made mistakes. Probably today, probably in the last hour; the hardest person to forgive is ourselves. We delve into that more next week.
We cannot forgive anotherBefore we start forgiving ourselves.
We cannot recognize the gifts in another until we recognize them in ourselves.
I forgive myself.
I undo the hitching post; take the foot off the brake; no matter how hard you step on the accelerator you will not go forward.
Once we do the four things, the fifth statement.
I don’t think you heard them like tonight.
I trust myself.
I trust myself.
Those five affirmations can be life changing. Going from negative self thought; struggling to forgive or to give. Consider those five statements.
Next week – and I believe we will fill up – 200-250 land lines that we have put the other 2000 Internet lines, you will want to get in early. Next Wednesday. Join me and my special guest — and I apologize that she was not with us tonight. It did not work the way it was supposed to work.
I had some thought that I had been thinking and pondering and meditating that I was able to share tonight. Next week will go back and forth and discuss some principles and some steps that can help you.
God bless you for joining in tonight.
Always an honor that you take time to join us — in these Aspire group coaching calls.
I am trying to get my computer now — To stop the recording. Trying to get my computer to unlock the lines — I may not be able to do that. Let me see.
We published the recording; I am in a slow line.
Generally these calls are 40-45 minutes.
Let me see if I can open up the lines. I love to hear from a handful of you what you thought of tonight’s call. You can also send me a message.
I’m going there more often Kevin Light. If I can possibly help you in any way let me know.
It worked!
Yes please, tell me who you are.
>> Coming from Chicago.
>> I’ve got Karen from Chicago and Shirley Reed from California.
>> Shirley Reed.
>> Always an honor to have you on the call. Did you enjoy tonight’s call?
>> fantastic, wonderful.
>> (indiscernible) has forgiveness been an important part of your past?
>> You bet, very much.
>> Shirley, how old are you today?
>> 89.
>> You are 89. When is your birthday?
>> It was February 21st, 1923.
>> If you can meet 89-year-young Shirley; she is another Viktor Frankl. If you met her, you would get that she is a decade, two decades younger. Glad to hear you’re on the call tonight. Glad that you could join us.
Please, one or two others.
Tell us who you are and where you are calling from.
>> This is Linda Williams from Mountain Green, Utah.
>> Linda how many times have you called in?
>> This is my first time. My very first time.
First time I heard your voice.
>> I’m glad that you are on this call.
How did you get on our call?
>> — Gave me your book and I started following your — and Judy recommended the call again; I had a friend that I wanted to listen in. I cannot recommend it if I don’t do it.
>> Shantel who has been on the call tonight and Judy, two dear friends and if you have friends like that you are in good shape. I like to hear your thoughts on Aspire, and any of your thoughts about tonight. Send me a message.
>> Thank you.
>> Beautiful day here.
>> It is beautiful, thank you.
>> I have time for two more people.
Texas, New Mexico, Oregon, Canada — tell us where you are calling from.
>> Bob from Nebraska.
>> Oh my goodness, Paster Bob, you know all about the principles of forgiveness. I had the privilege of coaching you. We pull your name out of a hat with several thousand people.
Forgiveness — is it an important part of living an abundant fulfilling life.
We are not going to their birthdays — but from your experience, as a pastor, a youth minister, tell people how important is forgiveness.
>> Extremely. If they have a belief in God, God is a prime and first forgiver. You must remember in this holy week that the crown of forgiveness is what Jesus said from the cross, forgive them for they know not what they do.
>> Give your wife my very best; always fun to hear from you in exchange messages. We will talk next week. An incredible time to wrap this two-part session up, and we will talk about the steps. It does not matter what anyone believes, on what part of the world they come from, forgiveness is a critical part.
>> Thank you for your wisdom tonight.
>> Thanks Bob. Great to hear from you.
God bless you.
One more person tell us who you are and where you are calling from.
>> (indiscernible)
>> you did get on the call.
I’m glad you did get on the call.
>> The important call I had the five o’clock was your call; I am late for the call that thank you again. It is amazing. What you pour out you pour in. I appreciate you my friend.
>> Jamie — (indiscernible) because of your mentorship and what you shared. There’s Jamie. I heard her say “yes.”
>> I was aware — I feel that now I am getting some inner strength just from this call to learn how to forgive embrace forgiveness and move forward and try to – people.
>> Jamie we had a great mastermind today. Thanks for being there.
>> This is been a great day, a growing day for me definitely.
>> Thank you Jamie and Rick. My good friend John Maxwell says — (indiscernible), listening, participating on coaching calls, learning with the mentor, when we are growing we are happy.
I want to thank all of you for being on the call tonight. Please share the link. We will start broadcasting this week on Facebook. Send me a message, kevin hall light, Facebook.com.
You can e-mail me at kevin –
just meet next week 6 p.m. Mountain daylight Time, what will be a seminal call, and her story of being in the bathroom, what she thought would be three with days turn into three months. And her path of redemption, her path of forgiveness and peace and happiness and she is now traveling the world sharing that message. Join us next week. Invite friends. We want the lines to be blown out. If people cannot get in on line they can listen to the recording.
God bless every single one of you. I hope that you have a great night. I look forward to next Wednesday night’s call with my friend Imaculee Ilibagiza.
>> Bye-bye.